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“No matter what I’ve done, there comes a point where I think, ‘How did I get here?’ When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me?”
This quote from legendary actor Tom Hanks during an interview with NPR revealed a growing theme occurring not only within the celebrity landscape, but also everyday people struggling with accepting recognition from their success. Most of us inherently believe that we deserve good things to happen in our lives, however when they occur, we also quickly move forward to the next goal or struggle to be in the moment to celebrate the win. Have you ever felt a disconnect between how you see yourself in relationship to how others may see you?
Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern in which high-achieving individuals struggle to internalize their accomplishments. They often feel like frauds, despite external evidence of their success and often doubt their own skills and accomplishments, even if they seem to be high-achieving. Combating these thoughts and feelings can be much easier said than done and we intend to offer a few tips to help along the way.
ASSESSING AND CHALLENGING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
To start, let’s hone in specifically on your thought patterns. Rumination is a symptom of imposter syndrome as it is characterized as patterned thinking that is both repetitive and persistent. Pervasive focus on negative thoughts or past events limits one’s ability to focus on actively working towards a solution and distorts one’s self-image. This form of overthinking can create a cycle where individuals fixate on their perceived mistake, failure, or inadequacy which may then exacerbate feelings of anxiety, sadness, and stress. Beware of becoming entrapped in your thoughts from constantly replaying the negative, leading to your own emotional exhaustion. When you experience self-doubt, take a minute to explore and challenge your thoughts and feelings. Where did they come from? Did they come from a place of objective fact, or from your own perception? Moreover, ask yourself: What facts support the idea that I deserve good things to happen or is there evidence contrary to my thoughts?
Breaking the cycle of rumination often involves mindfulness, cognitive behavioral techniques, and learning to shift your focus toward solutions rather than staying stuck in the problem. Positive self-talk also empowers your belief in your worth. Break free and allow yourself to move forward!
TALK ABOUT IT
We are our own worst critics. Our self-critical nature is because there are several psychological tendencies and mechanisms we possess that are rooted in how we process information about ourselves, our emotions, and social experiences. In fact, psychologists attribute this to factors such as negativity bias, perfectionism, social comparison, cognitive distortions, internalized criticism, and self-protective mechanisms. It can be helpful to speak with someone you trust for deeper insight into how others see you. Distorted and negative thought patterns about your self-image thrive in secrecy. The guilt and shame you feel from revealing this hypercritical nature results in catastrophizing your every action or inaction. Allow yourself the grace to fall short and make mistakes. Life is not an “all-or-nothing” experience. By exposing yourself to your trust circle, you gain much needed insight, support and a renewed perspective on your self-esteem blind spots. You’ll probably find out that you’re much more capable and likeable than you tell yourself you are! Moreover, you never know who you’re helping through your own transparency.
LET GO OF PERFECTIONISM
Why do we desire to be perfect when the world we live in and the people we encounter are so imperfect? Many people hold themselves to an unrealistic high standard, often believing that anything less than perfection is failure. This form of limited thinking is linked to your perception of self, resulting in one’s ability to only focus on shortcomings or mistakes, while dismissing your accomplishments.
Embracing mistakes and viewing life as a series of learned lessons can be a powerful tool to reframe your thoughts about yourself while combating imposter syndrome. People who struggle with imposter syndrome often attribute their achievements to luck or external factors and as popular as having a growth mindset has become, this is another great place to start. Check yourself! Ask yourself, what is my personal standard? Is it realistic and what is my margin for error? Would I hold the people that I love to that same standard? Would I be as critical of them as I am of myself?
Practicing the act of normalizing imperfection is healthy. The goal is not to maintain a “flawless life.” That wouldn’t be true to the human experience. But incorporating a shift in your mindset from outcome to process, accelerates the journey of improvement and mastery and makes room to celebrate your efforts rather than tracking results. If you’re cleaning the house but it isn’t spotless, try to move past it. If you avoid writing in pen out of fear of making mistakes, use erasable pens or correction tape. There’s ALWAYS another way. Promote self-compassion and allow yourself to sit in those uncomfortable feelings because a win (no matter how big or small) is still a win!
CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESSES
How do you celebrate your success? Reinforcing a healthier and more realistic sense of self-worth is no easy skill to master. It’s a daily commitment to prioritize acknowledging your effort and one way to be more intentional in doing this is by acknowledging the hard work done. Most of us have worked in groups or on a group project. Remember, there was one person who didn’t equally invest their efforts; however, the assignment was still graded based on the team’s submission. As frustrating as that experience may have been, a little thought may have crossed your mind that you deserved to be recognized because you went above and beyond. That little voice is a reminder that you earned it and DEFINITELY deserve it. People with imposter syndrome tend to downplay their own accomplishments. Our remedy… give yourself flowers! Create a “brag book” or a “success journal” as a tangible reminder of your capabilities and progress. Reviewing these achievements regularly can counter your negative thoughts and reinforce worth. Document both your wins and small victories to build a more balanced view of your abilities. Bonus, let others celebrate you too!
SOCIAL MEDIA MONSTERS
We constantly compare ourselves to others, especially in today’s highly connected, social media-driven society. When we perceive others as more successful or better in some way, we chisel away at our own self-image and become more critical of our own efforts and achievements. As we spend more and more time being fed our desires, we also relax our guard and miss the message in how algorithms are weaponized to feed into your psychological compass. When scrolling we get lost in the swipe and find ourselves suffocated to keep up with the Jones’. It is with that thought we have to ask ourselves if we are only measuring our self-worth relative to those around us and furthermore, when did we transition from being leaders to just followers?
It's time to turn the volume down on self-criticism and turn up the volume on self-compassion. Practice it daily! Self-compassion is an act of self-love that involves treating oneself with kindness and understanding especially in moments of failure or imperfection. Give yourself grace and the space to grow beyond your mistakes. Imposter syndrome is a hard hurdle to jump but progress isn’t always linear.
Imposter syndrome isn’t necessarily something that can be “cured,” but we can learn to recognize it as a distortion in our cognitive perception and learn to cope with it, or work through it.
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